There are people who hire a coach to help them feel more joyful. Obviously, nobody can change the way you feel. You are the one and only who feels what you feel. You can fool yourself. Someone else can fool yourself, distract, sweet talk or twist ideas around feelings, thoughts and situations. But that’s not the way it works. At least fake “solutions” don’t last. Joy is always there, when there is no current problem here and now. If you can’t feel joy, it is quite possible that you are numb or “put up your numbness bar” too high as Clinton Callahan calls it in Possibility Management.
Why would you have a variety of feelings, if not to feel what is, notices the signal, deal with it and move on?
The desire to not feel sad, angry or afraid is stupid and childish. Yes, there are more feelings than just joy and yes, fear, anger and sadness are not as much fun as joy. Yet, the mere desire to not feel those feelings must lead to dilemma, since you spent too much energy in trying to hide, suppress or re-interpret what is. You are an adult, responsible for you and your life. And there is also your power, choice, freedom. Trying to cut down basic feelings to joy is like cutting of 3 limbs or 3 cardinal points. You can continue heading West (or South or whatever) and go for joy, just don’t fool yourself. It’s like in Navigation: winds and currents are part of the deal when navigating. You can navigate your feelings too. Use the energy in each feeling constructively instead of limiting your energy by repressing feelings.
It is childish, because you are an adult today and you now know for sure, what you have been told as a kid was partly quite stupid: don’t be sad. Don’t be angry. Don’t be afraid… Everybody was told that. It doesn’t make it less stupid to forbid feelings when those feelings are adequate feelings, that help express and deal with certain situations.
It makes sense to distinguish between a feeling that is due to a current situation and an emotion that is an unresolved old feeling, being triggered by a current situation. A feeling is related to here and now and doesn’t last that long. An emotion is related to the past and tends to last long. At least this is how some experts (e.g. Possibility Managers) differentiate.
Personal Development is a path towards peeling off layers that have been building up through conditioning. Unresolved emotions from childhood covered under layers of walls stay unresolved and keep you trapped. People want a quick fix, anything, to just not having to feel. Drugs is the most common remedy, legal or illegal. It doesn’t work like that.
Start loving everything you feel.
That’s part of loving yourself.
Self-Discovery means daring to go deeper within with or without support. There are many ways to get to Rome. Meditation, Workshops, Books, Therapies, Coaching to name a few. Yet, without daring to feel what is, you won’t access to the core and free yourself from the baggage that is not needed anymore, now that you are an adult. If you use exercise, work, sex, food, party or anything else in excess to make you feel good, you got a problem and you know it. You can’t really relax without it.
No, you can’t solve this with logic or thinking. It does take feeling. Logic is for solving a different kind of issues only.
Face the truth and stop fooling yourself looking for quick-fix remedies from outside! It gets easier, lighter and brighter, once to start peeling off old layers courageously. And there is a lot of energy being set free that you can use for what you really want. Get curious and exited, it’s worth it!
To facilitate this process it helps to get into healthy lifestyle habits, such as a good sleeping routine, good quality, quantity and variety of food, moderate regular exercise and healthy drinking habits. It’s not that hard. There are online programs and people like me who assist you with a doable motivating program.
Make friend with the idea to love all feelings!
All that will become easier and easier, once you start feeling the difference between feeling numb and the release of energy when really feeling what is.
Do you have experience or tips on how to DARE to feel what is?