Dealing with Guilt, Shame and Blame?

Where does guilt, share and blame come from? We all know those situations where an emotion arises that is not based on actual facts but an inner process happening in the background, deep down inside…

In Life-Coaching you meet many people. And many people have this subtle feeling of guilt or shame for no real reason. Do you know that feeling too? Others feel unfree, depending on their surroundings all the time. This state drags their energy, being all the time focused on what is going on around them to protect themselves or to “stir” the boat and not loose direction. And often, there is blame involved: Due to you, him, her, them, etc. I have these troubles. It goes without saying that this blaming mechanism makes you feel like a victim of your surroundings and you end up with some kind of an anger or fear. And that makes many feel helpless, if not even hopeless.

Blame on you

People who blame others for what they experience are giving their power away. Often, they don’t even notice, that they do blame others for their experiences, it happens in a very subtle way. The drag is, that by blaming others, they really hurt themselves and become totally unfree and stuck.

Those who suffer from feeling guilt and shame for no obvious reason have probably looked into this before and found hundreds of techniques, facilitators and self-help books on the topic.

It is quite easy: There is some kind of a program running in the back of your mind that makes your body respond in a certain way, so you feel a certain pre-programmed emotion in certain situations that trigger this per-programmed, stored emotion. Those who suffer from this know very well, that their natural joy is totally suppressed in such situations and they just can’t really enjoy the moment with this subtle feeling of guild or shame. It’s like driving with the hand-break on. Conflict. Unease. Or even serious mental and/or physical health problems.

Do you really need to know, wether this was a childhood experience, something that has been passed on through generations or a social imprint of your environment in order to let go of the program?

It helps to understand yourself better, if you know the origin. However there is a difference between understanding and being compassionate with yourself. Compassion means accepting yourself as you are, even with the subtle feeling of guild or shame or blame. Understanding means you can logically follow how the emotion got there in the first place. Compassion allows “divine grace” to take over and heal. No need to control, no need to be right. It is all about getting into a place of loving kindness in the very moment, acceptance, no longer resisting what is, letting go. With compassion it is no longer about who is right and who is wrong. When this happens inside of yourself, then you can also have compassion with others.

My experience is, that the original reason for having these trigger points that result in guild, shame or blame may appear all by themselves from the unconscious to the conscious mind. Sometimes in dreams, memories, conversations. As soon as you are consciously willing and daring to open up and facing whatever you feel, energy gets in motion.

That’s a moment when certain emotions, even the fear, the anger or the sadness no longer need to be suppressed and can come up to be felt, accepted with compassion and let go.

A simple way to deal with blame, shame or guilt

This sounds very theoretically, but it can be simple:

Train your awareness, you realize when those subtle feelings of guild or shame appear. Or when you blame others in a subtle way.

Be compassionate with yourself and others, accepting all there is in the very moment, if you like it or not. Stay in a mindset of loving kindness, as if you were dealing with an innocent child. Care!

Not daring to feel what is, suppressing, ignoring or sweet talking keeps you stuck in the conflict of heart and mind.

Stuck in conflict of heart and mind

Again: it’s not about being right, it’s about feeling what is and accepting this first.

If you are curious, how these imprints get there in the first place, check out my latest book Headless Chicken!

You read The Walking Guru Blog. The Walking Guru is you xxx

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.