The other day, I was asked, what my biggest struggle in Life-Coaching was. I felt inspired to shared my view with you and ask you the same, since answering this question is very rewarding….
What is your biggest struggle?
Before you read on, I would like to invite you, to ask yourself, what is your biggest struggle in daily life??
My biggest struggle in life coaching is
The other day, I was asked, what my biggest struggle as a Life-Coach was. I felt inspired to share my view with you and ask you the same, since answering this question is v e r y rewarding.
What is your biggest struggle?
So before you read on, I would like to invite you, to take a few minutes, a paper and pencil and write down spontaneously with a sense of curiosity – e.g. thinking” too much “why not”- what your biggest struggle in daily life is!
And then, before you read on, ask yourself whether you ever attempted to address the root of this struggle, or whether you keep on fighting the consequences, or simply change environment to repeat the same circle from scratch …
A struggle is a difficult and often challenging situation or circumstance that requires effort and determination to overcome. It can refer to physical, mental, emotional, or financial difficulties that one experiences in life. Struggles can come in many forms, such as health issues, financial hardship, relationship problems, and workplace challenges, among others. Struggles can also be personal or societal in nature, and can have a significant impact on a person’s well-being, confidence, and overall quality of life. The process of overcoming struggles often involves perseverance, resilience, and a willingness to learn and grow.
Willingness to learn and grow to me personally as private individual and as life coach is what makes life interesting. I sell myself the story, that struggles are not only OK but natural, interesting, challenging and opportunities to expand my current horizon – just like traveling does. Experience something new, learn, grow, appreciate.
It is the attitude of solution thinking versus the attitude of problem thinking that makes a difference in terms of contentment. Without that conscious choice to learn and grow, life can become dull and we need all kinds of “remedies”, drugs, distractions, hypes and “likes” to keep going.
Confusion can occur when a person experiences a mix of feelings, thoughts, or perceptions that makes it difficult for them to understand a situation or make a decision. It may be caused by a variety of factors such as too much information, conflicting opinions, unclear instructions, stress, or an inability to think clearly. Confusion can affect a person’s mental state and lead to decreased ability to process information and make rational decisions– getting stuck without even knowing why. When a person focuses on gaining more and more clarity in their thoughts, feelings and emotions, they can make more informed decisions, identify their goals and priorities, and create a roadmap for what success means to them. To communicate with clarity takes a sender who speaks with clarity and a receiver who listens with presence/ attention.
If you become the “helper”, you may disable the other party from figuring out what to do on their own. My biggest challenge in the first 10 years of life coaching was to open up the possibility for clients to discover their own solution themselves in a safe setting, versus just feed them information that they “chew and swallow” like reading a book. This process takes a lot of discipline. Walks in nature, periods of physical relaxation exercises and conscious breathing to reconnect mindfully with the body and calm the hectic mental processes became part of my coaching method. The idea of taking responsibility for another adult almost robs them of their own power and ability to adjust their response to a situation and makes them hostage to unconscious habits.
When you are an adult, you are accountable and have an obligation to take care of yourself and your outcomes, including your thoughts, feelings and actions. Responsibility fuels Freedom, vice versa – the ability to make good decisions. Blaming others for your feelings and actions may mean that you are -possibly unconsciously- refusing to be responsible or deal with a lack of self-control or a tendency to act impulsively or make decisions without really thinking about or considering the consequences for yourself and others.
The struggle in Life-Coaching as well as in personal life for me in our culture is NOT how to survive financially or make more money. It is to consciously own your thoughts, feelings and actions and to set clear boundaries what is your responsibility and what not, learning to stand up for yourself without trying to make the others look or feel smaller. Getting out of the low-drama-circle of victims, helpers and bad guys and using your own “energy” intentionally for something creative instead of feeding and repeating drama – fighting, running away or freezing.
Own your Energy
When I refer to “owning our energy” I refers to taking responsibility for and control over one’s emotions, thoughts, and actions. It involves recognizing and acknowledging the impact that one’s energy has on others and on one’s own life. When someone owns their energy, they are conscious of their own thoughts and emotions, and they actively work to manage them in a positive and constructive manner. This means avoiding negative or harmful thoughts and behaviors, and instead focusing on positive and empowering ones. By owning their energy, individuals can build their self-awareness, self-esteem, and confidence, and they can have a positive impact on their relationships, personal life, and career. It also means recognizing the power of one’s own energy and using it to create positive outcomes and experiences in life – for yourself and for others. Overall, owning your energy means taking responsibility for and control over your own mental and emotional state, and using it to create a fulfilling and meaningful life.
The biggest Struggle
The biggest struggle in this context – both in Life-Coaching and in personal life- is working one´s mental and emotional awareness and lowering the “numbness bar” (expression borrowed from Clinton Callahan’s Possibility Managment).
Lowering the numbness bar refers to reducing the level of emotional numbness or desensitization in a person’s life. Emotional numbness is a common defense mechanism that people use to protect themselves from negative emotions, such as pain, fear, or sadness. Over time, people who experience emotional numbness can become desensitized to their emotions, which can negatively impact their relationships, personal life, and overall well-being.
Lowering the numbness bar means becoming more aware of and in touch with one’s emotions, and actively working to reduce the level of emotional numbness in one’s life. This can involve developing better self-awareness, engaging in therapy or other forms of support*, or working to reduce stress and increase self-care. By lowering the numbness bar, individuals can regain the ability to feel emotions, form meaningful connections with others, and experience a greater sense of meaning and fulfillment in life. The goal is to find a healthy balance between protecting oneself from negative emotions and allowing oneself to feel and experience all of life’s emotions, both positive and negative. The biggest gift on this path is open respectful communication.
*A supportive environment is a place where you can communicate openly and fearlessly, e.g. a professional coach or a trustworthy friendship.
So, what’s your biggest struggle?
Life time, attention and love are very valuable goods,
Thank you for the honour of having had your attention!
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Coaching to Feel Good Now
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