Are Relationships hard Work?

Christmas time!

We spend more time together. In many places this time of love becomes a time of conflict and a real testing ground of your love of and to your partner.


Why is that?


Simply because we spend more time together and have more opportunity for conflict and growth. The work is not the relationship; the real work is recognizing what is triggering you, and releasing those limitations for growth or ego.


Feeling bad asking your partner to do something or saying something, fearful of the response you get back?


Stopping to tell your full truth, fearful of your partner’s response?


Always giving in, to what you really would like to do, abandoning a part of yourself?


Unable in your communication to maintain a kind and loving tone, falling into an intimidator or victim voice?


Anything that is showing imbalance requiring adjustment without being addressed is poisoning for the relationship and creates a gap.


Relationship is about sharing, not just conforming, financial security or convenience. Each partner needs to complete their own puzzle instead of using the other to complete it. You can never be complete this way.


The work is on oneself, not on the relationship. The moment when we start taking the other one for granted without showing love, is when things start changing. Simple things of connecting with each other in the morning, not just getting up doing a routine, but spending a little time talking, touching, dedicating attention to each other are essential. Remember how you used to look at each other’s eyes. Remember this couple in their 90ties walking down the street, smiling at each other.


Whenever you notice some funky feeling, something has been triggered. Notice a change in your emotional or mental state! This exactly is your chance for growth.


It requires attention and talking. If you don’t have the confidence to talk about such things, your relationship has little chance to grow. The other one pushes your button and the work is to be done within yourself. However, if you can’t share and speak openly to your partner, it creates distance and separation which one day may become so big, that it is very hard to bridge. It is just a matter of time before we have no more connection – whether you stay together or not.


Check if you don’t dare to speak openly with your partner, start hiding small issues “under the rug” which become a bigger and bigger pile. Or feel hurt by the painful tone of voice, the many food for misunderstanding during each day. Here is the chance for positive change and growth and overcoming ego, but only, if addressed by both. Check if your partner closes up and does not listen, talk or address certain issues. Check if you feel alone in your relationship for not being able to really share. Remember, it takes two to tango.


If you want changes to come, start with yourself. Meery Christmas to all, time for love, fun and positive change


Manuela and Anthony


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