Life-Coaching: How to Be Self-Confident

On an exploration trip to the Caribbean Coast of Costa Rica, the first thing I find is a Slackline right on an amazing Surf Beach. I love to watch Surfers and slackliners for hours. It’s about going with the flow. Enjoying life. Being here now. It’s about my “business” as a coach.

Soon, I check out slack-lining to find out that it is not just about physical fitness and balance but especially about mental and emotional stability and focus.

How to gain stability, balance and focus

One of those sports, where the consequence of every single thought manifests immediately. Slacklining is the perfect little exercise for experiencing this phenomenon: one single thought might create a disturb signal and hit you off balance.

Every single thought manifests immediately in your reality

Soon, the surfer dudes come to give me advice how to practice slacklining. Sweet!

“You have to believe in yourself!”

“Focus on the other end of the line”.

“Don’t think!”

“Keep your strength in your center!”

I am amazed! That’s all the techniques that I teach during coaching sessions. I don’t use those words but changing one’s own mindset and habits takes essentially that: Confidence, owning your power, mental focus, clarity and direction.

So if you have no slackline to practice confidence, focus and mental clarity, what do you do?

Practice confidence

There is no pill for confidence, even though some people still totally believe that alcohol and drugs make them more confident. All it does is numbing the feeling of lack. It is not really satisfying. Not lasting.

Believing in oneself and having confidence that things will work out is something we all have inside by nature, but it is covered by the hangovers from past experiences. By hangover I specifically mean the way we perceived, remember and store something that happened in the past. Many of those experiences turn out to be illusions and sooner or later we find out, that what we believed was true, was just our personal perception and interpretation of the old story.

Feelings of incompleteness, lack, shame or guild can be devastating. Obviously, numbing those emotions with drugs or distracting otherwise won’t enable us to bring the illusion to the light, so it can dissolve like a cloud.

How to heal old wounds

Healing means bringing Light into the Shadows. Daring to feel. Daring to stop distracting. Daring to feel some pain. Daring to let go of mental control and allowing to experience feelings. Out of the comfort zone into the Healing zone.

Emotions can feel devastating. Healing means bringing light into the shadows. Daring to feel what is to the very depth of the emotion seems scary and yet, it’s a practice that is healing. Often, what it takes to overcome old unconscious and unreal emotions of shame and guilt resulting in obsessive behavior is daring to face them first. Otherwise we just spend all that wonderful life energy in suppressing them.

Facing What Is

Self-Confidence can arise, once we dare to explore, experiment and really face that feeling of total discomfort. The more we dare and practice this way of facing what IS, the more the fatal guilt, shame or fear monsters in our minds dissolve like a cloud on a stormy day.

That’s what I practiced on the slackline and after that on a surfboard. Before even stepping one foot on the line I felt a nervousness, a slight fear. What was that fear about, I mean this is not life-threatening nor is it important if any stranger on the beach watches me falling of the line.

What is that unreal fear about?

The more you face it, the more you become aware that this is a habit, an automatism. It happened later on with the surfing as well. I booked a class with an instructor. Waves were small. No real risk and yet, my heart was pumping as if I was about to compete and risk to fail.

Fear of failure is ok, as long as you keep going

Fear is a natural feeling, designed by nature to protect us from not getting hurt. Better don’t step out of the door, you might be killed by a bear or something…

Dare to face the fear and free yourself

Knowing that this fear is a kind of “factory setting”, you can play with this mechanism and change the setting. Now, that you are an intelligent being, equipped with awareness, it is more about distinguishing between a real threat and an automatic reaction with no real threat. And the next step is about acting upon that awareness. Step on that slackline. Dare to give a speech. Strengthen that muscle. Free yourself from mental monsters.

Trapped in uneasy emotions is THE possibility for transformation, growth and stepping into your real power.

It is all about that shift of thinking:

Know and acknowledge, that you are trapped. Be proud!!!! You dare to feel and stand up for yourself as you are right here and right now.

No neglecting, ignoring or numbing. Total responsibility. Total power. This is what enables you to become confident. Feel the habitual emotion, face it , feel it go deep inside, explore it! There is a lot of trapped energy in this. Then, you can transform it with practice again and again. Just like slacklining. Again and again, day by day, that’s how you become a master. By practicing.

Confidence is more than believing in yourself

Confidence is more than believing in yourself. It is about believing in the process of life that you are part of. It’s about feeling connected and part of all there is. It’s about feeling worthy for being, being the very individual that you are, with your specific “features”. Confidence allows us to get into the flow of life and bring our gifts to the world naturally without suffering or forcing anything. Confidence is what makes the spark in the eyes. It is the connection between your center and the world. It is knowing, that you are here now, exactly how you are meant to be. It is about a deep knowing, that it is your job to polish that diamond that you are; polish away what is not yours, transform old programs and belief systems and enjoy your light and bring your light into the world. No reputation needed. No proof needed for true confidence. Confidence grows with practice. Practicing being authentic.

In my coaching practice, changing habits is simple: face it, bring it to the surface and act upon it with awareness. Over and over again. Reprogram unconscious patterns means in other words: own your power and choose consciously, instead of being driven.

Choose instead of being driven

Changing habits is not simple at all if you are not aware. That lack of awareness keeps us blocked and trapped in unwanted habits of distracting, running away or even drug abuse. That’s why people ask for support when it comes to changing something that we were so convinced of, that it was “us”. What a blessing it is, once you realize that what you thought you were was just an imprint of other’s resulting in a habit. Freedom lightens up, when you no longer shame, blame or make yourself small, but realize that you do have the power.

For all those, who still believe they are what they think they are, I wrote my last book called Head♥️less Chicken. It makes clear, how it happens that we are totally convinced about certain stories in ours lives that we believe shaped our being and why it is not true. Head♥️less Chicken is available on Amazon of your country or any bookstore.

I know, I know

If you hear yourself saying “I know, I know” it is time for shifting from knowing to practicing! Self-confidence is not depending on reaching goals and showing successes. However, self-confidence does show results.

If you want to learn slacklining or live a more abundant, joyful life, you got it all inside and all it takes to bringing it to the surface.

A great way to strengthen the confidence muscle is facing fears and going for those “unreal” traps in order to break through old bondages and programs that seem to run your life without you being on the wheel. Make it fun!

Here are some examples:

  • Anything you feel too shy for, go for it: singing, dancing, improv classes
  • Anything you say “I can’t because….” Do it anyway!
  • Anything you would like to do but are afraid you might be expelled from your loved once. Do it and give them a chance to love you for who you really are!

What are your experiences and ideas on how to strengthen that confidence muscle, please SHARE below!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: