Living in a world of duality every freaking thing has another side to it. More of one doesn’t necessarily increase the pleasure. Let’s take addiction: you need more of the same drug to make the hype higher, wether we are talking about “regular” legal or illegal drugs, or alcohol, surfing the net, excessive work or sports, whatever we use to try to make us feel better.
It is obvious: anything we don’t like, we would rather ignore, not see, feel, hear and “cover up” with some activity that we believe might make us feel better. But this trait has it’s downside: what we deny to see, we can’t even attempt to change! That’s a dead end road.
In Coaching, the first step is to acknowledge the status quo, even when it is painful to look at the truth. Even if denial seems to be less painful than the truth at the beginning, on the long term, it isn’t. That’s why people spend time and money to get help.
I just heard of the suicide of a woman I knew many years ago. She had always been very hard on herself. I have no clue what has happened in the past 15 years with her, but she was driven, hard-working, successful, impeccable, always ready to do what had to be done. And that can be the tricky part: what we think “has to be done” in order to make the world go around, might be just our idea of what we think needs to be done. Often, this idea is nothing but a template of someone else and has nothing to do with us. We deny ourselves, our true identity. We only look at what is expected of us, or what we expect of ourselves, without ever daring to look at ourselves honestly and ask: is this really good for me? Or am I just continuing to deny, neglect, live a lie?
It’s all about finding balance. And due to the fact that everything changes all the time somehow, balance is a very temporary experience. We can’t just set the sails south and hope we arrive at the desired location without adjusting according to currents and wind…
The good news: The other side of the coin denial is called acceptance. Acceptance does not mean you have to leave the things as they are. It means you accept the status quo, no more denial, you are OK and at peace with what is. What a relief: no more resistance, do more neglecting, no more secret lies. Acceptance is the first step to become at peace, not so hard on yourself, no longer put yourself down. Acceptance can mean: I accept that I am doing a job I don’t like, living a life that I don’t want, I accept my fear of admitting the truth. No, it is not necessarily comfortable but tremendously relieving. It is the first step to acknowledge, appreciate and love yourself the way you are. From there, it is so much easier to make decisions that really suit you.
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